PsYcko BabBLe

trying to quit smoking pot...i must say, i'm doin a lot better than i thought i would

trying to fix things with brian. i won't let myself ruin this.

trying to do good in school...don't really know if i'm making any progress but at least i declared my major

had an awesome weekend at the expense of sleep. david's going away party was a blast and now that he's gone, i realize that i miss him a lot more than i thought i would. i hate airports. they're so sad. i got so used to having a voice from london in my days and now that he's gone, the apartment is so much quieter. but all's good coz i'm confident that i will see him again in my life.

it's been a rough week...brian and i have been fighting. i'm pretty sure it's because i quit smoking...or mebbe that's just my excuse for it. i don't really know. whatever it is, i'm gonna fix it. i'm not gonna let the best thing in my life go because of my own stupidity. i love this kid sooo much...more than i thought i could ever love someone. i think i'm trying so hard to hold on to this, so hard that i'm just paranoid and worried all the time about losing him when i should be enjoying it. i feel like 2 weeks ago, everything was perfect. what happened? i guess we all have our ups and downs. but that's it. i'm not gonna let my paranoia get the best of me.

never in my life have i felt so alone. it's so gorgeous outside but i have no one to enjoy it with. it seems quitting smoking = losing friendships...well, some friendships. if you can even call it that to begin with. who am i fooling?

it's time to do somethin bout everything

everything's off

it's alright, things will get better.

but what if i like the down time? like to dislike it. beautiful kinda sadness. unwanted but cherished. i'd bathe in it if it were a bathtub of needles and i'd love it. love to hate it. hate to love it.

it's all the same

it's sooo nice out. spring is near! spring is near! waking up at 3pm on a day like this makes me feel like a bum. the way i see it, i'm just making up for the sleep that i haven't been getting in the past 2 weeks or so

in other news, shoeism rocks. you see, there's a left shoe and a right shoe and without one the other one would just be useless. i lost a shoe at a concert once and just threw the other one out. even if you buy a new pair there's still gonna be that one extra lonely shoe. shoeism. same size, same style, mirror images. laces tangly. tee hee. i love shoeism.

so i've been doin pretty bad as a college student. i think it's gonna take me 7 yrs to graduate. so that's another 3 years. yea that sounds about right and i'm not exaggerating. spring break and the events of the past week or so has made me put my foot down and tell myself: "you gotta get ur ass to class no matter what" so i'm trying. tho i did sleep thru my class today. but it's only music class. at least it's not bio. that's where the damage is coming from. my gpa is sad. the number of credits i have is sad. why the hell did i pick biochemistry? oh right. money. and quite possibly medicinal marijuana.

so spring break was fun. went to delaware, got drunk, went to the beach. seeing brian was fun too. we acted like 6 year olds and watched movies like the emperor's new groove, heavy metal 2000, and...i don't even remember. he's moved outta his house and into his own apartment and i guess things are starting to fall into place for him. good things are in store. good things.

uhhh right. septum piercing. pics will be up soon, i promise. my mom saw it coz i didn't really put much effort into hiding it. she doesn't like it but she didn't really flip out. i think it's coz i had a lil thing in and not the obnoxious retainer or horse shoe type barbell thingy i had in before. it's slowly working its way up to my favorite piercing.

been trying to quit smoking. 4 stoges a day. trying. i'm so broke it's not even funny. i'm leeching off of the money in my bank account which isn't even my money coz my dad sent that over for my mom to use for the bills. her account got frozen yada yada yada, lo and behold, $8000 in my checking account. i can't really use it tho coz it's for the her. tsk tsk tsk. no job=no money. no car=no job.

but! that shall be fixed soon coz ladies and gentlemen, the one day that you never thought would arrived has arrived. or will be arriving soon. i'm finally gonna take my road test and get my fuckin license. BOOYAH. how long did that take me? i've been procrastinating since i was 16 to get my permit and license. go me.

we have a boy from london living in our apartment now. david. a friend of a friend's who kinda got kicked out of the friend's place due to reasons i don't know. but anyhow, david's an awesome person. he's traveled so many places and seen so many things and has so many stories to tell. quite fascinating really. many interesting conversations with this kid. i'm gonna miss him when he goes back to london.

this is gettin kinda long

it's been a while and i've been extremely lazy

one of these days i'm gonna sit down and try my best to recall all the crazy things that happened in the past month or so. damn i haven't written since january.



i got my septum pierced. w00t~ w00t~




till next time...hopefully some time soon...

keep ur underwear inside ur pants

my abs hurt from the bagillion crunches we did at practice last nite

speaking of practice, my entire body hurts

i got two second degree burns last night. one on the index finger and one on the middle finger of my left hand. goddamn the fuckin oven. i din even get to eat the chicken finger that i made coz i dropped it. and now i cant type right or play video games.

i desperately need a vacation. i need a fuckin break.

classes start next week. booooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

my heart hurts

my head hurts

not being able to use those 2 fingers really hinders my performance in a lot of aspects

fuck bitching and moaning

yay for the rcnj dance team coz we look oh so pretty






my broken heart makes me smile
and my 2nd degree burned fingertips

i love the pain...it makes me feel alive